im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
