...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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