Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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