Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
