And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
