I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
