I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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