Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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