he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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