Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize