well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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