At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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