The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize