Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your penis caused this!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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