It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize