it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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