I wish you could order shots online.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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