you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
