I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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