i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
