he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
