He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
