Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
