Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
