that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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