I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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