So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
