Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Damn victory sex feels great
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
