Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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