well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
