So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
