sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have so much sex to catch up on
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
