i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Shame is for Republicans.
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