I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you win again, gameday.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
