What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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