Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
