Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize