i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
