I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
