I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
