There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
