Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i barfeds in our rink
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
