His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
