I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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