dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
