We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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