What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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