I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
