remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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