there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
