did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
