He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
