You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
