I need help removing her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
