Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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