every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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