There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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