Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
