Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
