You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
