Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
