my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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