Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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