Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
