She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
