I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
